2020 was a very challenging year. No question about it. Over 2 million people died of a deadly global pandemic. Politically, there were great divisions in populations between nationalism and globalism. There were discussions on addressing climate change and also denial of climate change. Even families and close friends were at odds with each other over these important issues and how to address them.

So, how do we manage this as individuals? It begins with understanding what you have control over and what you don’t have control over. In his Serenity Prayer, American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr said “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

Most of us have heard this prayer before, but do we take the words to heart?

We live in a technological age of instant information. That’s a wonderful part of living today. Yet, we also live in the world of instant misinformation. And being able to tell the difference between what is true and what is fiction can be very challenging. Unfortunately, on the political scene, many leaders are driven by their own ambitions and the lobbyists that support them financially. They also live in a zero sum game world. In order for them to “win,” someone else has to “lose.” We can change this mentality. What if we flipped the script and tried to live by the aphorism “a rising tide raises all boats”?

Aside from that, we do have a lot of control over the happiness in our immediate environment. Do we smile frequently? Do we thank everyone we come into contact with for their assistance, service or love? It can be our parents, spouses, children, our teachers, friends, food service people, mail carriers, health care and other front line workers, and our civil service professionals. Are we giving out happiness to all that we come into contact with? Are we taking a moment to appreciate the beauty around us? Are we balancing our need for information (the news) with other activities that feed the soul and improve our minds and bodies? Music, dancing, walking, exercising, meditation, and reading all contribute to our mental and physical well-being and we just need to make time for them in our daily lives.

In the end, happiness primarily comes from within each of us and what we give out to others. Give out happiness and kindness to those you come into contact with and those benefits will tend to generate positive energy that is returned to you. One really simple way is to show gratitude to others. Just saying “thank you” is the easiest thing to do, but the hardest for us to practice in real life. Those two words are very powerful together and can have a tremendous effect on the receiver, as well as the giver.

The underlying lesson here is to be respectful to other people. Listen to them. Understand them. They have life experiences and perspectives you can learn from. Discuss and debate with them. You don’t have to agree with them on everything. But you should be a good listener, understand where they are coming from, have empathy and treat everyone—and I mean everyone—with respect. This will be the start of living in a regular state of happiness and knowing that there are going to be factors that are out of your control. Control the things you can control. Recognize the difference when you can’t.