When you mention the word “negotiation,” some people just cringe. They dislike the thought of negotiating to buy a car or house—or just about anything. “Tell me how much to pay and let’s be done with it.”

Negotiation is a normal part of a capitalist society. You may remember studying economics and supply and demand curves. At a low price the seller will want to supply less and at a higher price they will want to supply more. Conversely, the demand is low at higher prices and high at lower prices. Eventually, the curves will cross at the price where both the seller and buyer are happy.

Negotiation is critical and essential to business. In order to get better at it, you need to understand the psychology of the process. First, you have to understand the position of the person with whom you are negotiating. What are their pain points and what are they willing to give up? If you can allow them a win on something that is very important for them, then you may be able to gain concessions on other items that will benefit you.

Negotiating is not about being a bully and getting everything you want, leaving nothing for the other party. Sure, you may end up winning, but the other party will walk away with resentment. In this scenario, if your paths cross again it won’t be good. Many business people favor that approach and it works for them. It’s just not my preference in negotiations. Each party should feel some pain and some gain. Yet, sometimes you will find yourself negotiating with a bully, and the best strategy for that is to go on the offensive. If you are being sued for something, counter-sue them. A lawyer friend once advised me that when you escalate a legal battle, it is very hard to de-escalate it. So make sure you have exhausted all options in the negotiation process before you head down that road. Nonetheless, there are times it may be the only option.

One critical point to understand is that you can’t enter a negotiation from a position of weakness. You need to enter the negotiation with some leverage. The other party wants to get something from you and if the negotiation falls apart, they could end up with nothing. They may want to sell you a car or a house. They may want to hire you. They may want to buy some product from you. You already have something they want, therefore, work through the negotiation process so you get as close to what you want as possible, too.

Don’t forget one of the oldest negotiating tools in the world—trading. Several years ago after I became too busy and stopped teaching trumpet lessons, a friend wanted me to teach her son. I really didn’t have the time to do it and I didn’t really need the money at that time. But, I liked my friend and her son and I was happy to do it. What really made this a wonderful experience was that my friend traded a home cooked meal for my teaching each lesson. She was a fabulous cook and she made enough food to feed my family, plus leftovers. What a deal for me! I didn’t have to spend time cooking a meal at least one to two nights per week. And for her, I’m sure she just added more ingredients to a meal she was already cooking for her family, so it didn’t cost her that much time or effort.

Negotiation is an essential part of business. You should learn the technique from someone who is very good at it. But if you don’t enjoy it, don’t give up the negotiation process. Instead, put another expert from your team in charge of it so a great deal can still be made.

Read Inc. magazine’s “5 Highly effective negotiation tactics anyone can use” for tips on negotiation.